Finals

This week, ugh!
I DONTDONTDONT wanna study at all.
But after finals, NO MORE SCHOOL ! [;

HO'OLAU'LEA

watch my performance! .. 5:00 [:
northridge park, next to shogun!

Lowkey

I'm REALLY happy =D
today was good.
I had to wake up early to take cj to school
fell asleep, woke up at 12ish. got ready
picked up cj, had lunch with him
talked to derek <3 went to his house
band awards
kels, cj, and i went to raisa's graduation!
.. hopefully "up" tomorrow with that nigga <3

Ex baby

I talked to Derek yesterday! :o
It wasn't as awkward as i thought it would of been
Well at first it was, until we were sitting in his car.
I was with him for 2 hours.
He was being a jerk at some points
But we would start laughing at other times.
I miss him, I miss talking to him.
.. Again on wednesday.

Dont chase them

Replace them! [:

Lemme tell you

about my week so far.

Thurday
PROMPROMPROM! woke up, got my hair &make up done. Went somewhere with my momma, then waited for kelsey to come so we could put our dress' on. Marc came took pictures (i still need to download them) Got to school, stood in line, bus 7. Watched the day after tomorrow, traffic "/ finally got there, took pictures ate, and DANCEDDANCEDDANCED [: fell asleep on the bus, momma picked us up, took marc home, &went to sleep.
Friday
Hung out with matt, he took me to this place but it was kinda boring cus all we saw was mountain's it was cooler driving up there then finally getting there. lol. john and mike picked me up. had to go with john to look for uniform. went to the mall, walmart, target. picked up jobell but ended up hanging out at mel's house. we were putting stickers that said "i love penis'" all over jobell. haha. got food, played tongit, watched stupid scary filipino movies. i didnt fucking get home till 5! WTF ?!
Saturday
Hung out with the cousins, got dropped off at angela's, went to matt's birthday. took pictures, cousin's picked me up. Drove around, went to mike's house. watched the wood. fell asleep woke up and left at 3ish ?
Sunday
Santa monica with raisa and her family. walked around and talked. hung out with the cousin's again at chuck e cheese for 3 fucking hours "/ went to wendy's. and now finally home and early too :o





.. Why are you wasting time? Youre just going to get fuck'd over.

Goodbye LA hello BAY

I'm coming to you very soon [:
AUGUST 19!

Today

was a good day [:


one more day of school then hello 5 day weekend ! i really hope raisa, kels, and i go to vegas this weekend cus that'll be the best <3 i love those girls! im so excited for prom, im not stress about the situation anymore, i dont care. im going to have fun and thats all that matter.

As much

as it hurts to say this.
.. I THINK IM OVER IT ! [:








finally

Not worth it

Crying over this is stupid. I could do better i know i can. I just need to get over him and everything is smooth sailing. I cant wait till then [:

I wanna hear your voice but I don't want you to call
I wanna see you, girl, but not see you at all
I wanna make up, but I still want to fight
I wanted to break up but it just don't feel right
(Sitting here waiting on you)

I hate you, you hate me. But still can't escape "we"
And all the bullshit we've been going through lately
Heartbroke, Lovesturck, telling ya'll, "It ain't me"
Life without you, girl, is something that I can't see
I ain't gon' lie, say, "I don't get lonely"
But if only so much, I could kick it with the homies
And somebody told me that you already moved on
I broke up with you, you ain't supposed to get your groove on!
Not now, at least wait a couple weeks
Got me looking like a chump with my business in the streets
Been a couple weeks, but it feel like you still there
No matter how I clean, I'm still finding your hair
Or some shit you forgot, or I'm standing in that spot
Where you came so hard, I didn't think that you would stop
But, quiet as I step, I know you miss me just a little
Washed my sheets when you left but still smell you on my pillow

And everything I do, it reminds me of you
And everything I see, it reminds me of "we"
And everytime I lust, it reminds me of us
Girl, I wanna stay together 'cause I hate breaking up

You ain't call me last night, what you trying to be? Strong?
You'll call yourself stupid when you finally hear this song
'Cause I would've took you back, I was waiting to, infact
All you had to do was holler, girl, I would've just collapsed
And fell into a trap and started to relapse
And your ass never called so it just never happened
Now I'm thinking Jasmine, Tanya, Cheraine
Some ex's I can call that'll probably ease the pain
I tried to follow through, but I wound up calling you
Hanging up before a ring, girl, it's really all on you
But you wanna get into it, make me mad, push my buttons
Got us tripping over little stuff that don't mean nothing
I'm sick of the suffering, the fighting, the fussing
What happened to the love in the late night discussions
'Bout children, and family, the future, the plan
And now it's all over 'cause you couldn't understand me

And everything I do, it reminds me of you
And everything I see, it reminds me of "we"
And everytime I lust, it reminds me of us
Girl, I wanna stay together 'cause I hate breaking up

Thought I'm missing you again last night
'Til I remembered all the reasons that your ass left a fight
It's like, dude, I really wanted this to work
But you had to get your shit together first,
and what's worse, I really wanted you to stay
but I needed you to leave 'cause we was fighting everyday
All right, not everyday, I know that's a lot on it
We was supposed to be companions, but we was more like opponents
Don't this song make you wanna do it one more time?
Could I still be the only dude that's on your mind?
I'm too proud to beg, but I'm hoping that you not
I would take you back quick, girl, without a second thought
But I'm caught up in my pride and I can't make the call
Didn't want to break up, just a break, that's all
It's been a long time, I know I probably shouldn't have left you
'Cause your the only woman that I wanna sleep next to

And everything I do, it reminds me of you
And everything I see, it reminds me of "we"
And everytime I lust, it reminds me of us
Girl, I wanna stay together 'cause I hate breaking up

You say you're sick of me and I say I'm sick of you
But we crazy 'bout eachother, girl, what we gon' do?
Said I needed you to leave, but I hate to see you go
Can't make up my mind, girl, I just don't know
I wanna make this work but I'm sick of the struggle
Girl, what I gotta do to make you realize I love you?
I ain't gon' lie, sometimes I just don't feel you
But find another man, and I just might kill you
(Sitting here waiting on you)

Seems every time I try to forget about you
My feelings pull you back in

.. I know he's acting like this so i can get over him, but im fucking stupid and i really cant. i dont know what else to do. my feelings aren't going to go away as much as i try and tell myself their not going away. i don't know what else to do.

If you love something let it go
&if it comes back then that's how you know it was meant to be

I'm not as strong as i thought i was. I'm so weak when it comes to him. I put up a front but I'm hurting so much inside. I'm depressed, I'm losing hair, I'm not eating, I'm growing gray hair "/ Finding out all the stuff that's going on is killing me. I really didn't think he would ever do that. He's not that kind of person and i feel like i turned him into that. Your so much better than what your doing. I know him the best and he's not like that. All i want is to leave, to get out of here. Everything here reminds me of him. & I really cant do it anymore. I fucked up so bad and there's nothing i can do to change his mind. I never thought being without him would be so hard. I cant even talk to other guys because it makes me miss him even more. All i do is talk about him on and on and on. He's in all my memories, we been through so much and i threw us away. He's my first love and he'll always be in my heart. And even though he doesn't want it, he'll always have my heart. I'm never going to forget him and that's the hardest part.