So hard.

Today i have to figure out if i wanna go to sfsu or csun "/ and the only thing stopping me from picking one of them is Derek. yea he's right first i wanted to go to sf cus we broke up then i wanted to go to csun cus we got back together and now i wanna go to sf cus were not together. sometimes i feel like sf will be better for us but i dont know how i would be without him. but then i also have to think about what if i stay and what if i cant handle us not being together and seeing things i dont want to hearing things i dont want to. and if i was in sf it would be better, we wouldnt see each other as much but then i can come back on the weekends and still see him ? .. i hate when hes so mean to me and i make up my mind that i wanna go to sf but then he'll treat me so good &i dont wanna leave that. uhh ! if he loves me he'll be okay with whatever decision right ? .. but i dont even think he cares what i do. even when we were together sometimes i wanted to go to sf. but fuck, i dont even like that school. i just wanna get away sometimes. and if i go there i'll be able to get away but also come back home EVERY WEEKEND !